I’ve put together a list of 12 comments that different family and friends have said to me after my miscarriages and stillbirths! I remember each of these as of it was yesterday. I could even tell you when and where they were said
Sometimes I got really angry, but more often than not I choose to see that the person was trying their best to be kind, the words still hurt, I am just not good at confrontation. Except, when someone said that there was something wrong with my babies, I can’t keep my mouth shut. I always corrected them! My babies were perfect and I don’t want anyone to think differently.
12 comments not to say to your friend after a miscarriage!
(and some snarky responses from me!)
- “You have your very own angel!” No, no, no I don’t! humans don’t turn into Angels … Our spirits go to be with Christ until we receive new bodies in Christ.
- “You are, young you can try again / You have lots of time to get pregnant again!”After what I experienced, do you think I would want to try again? let my heart feel the pain or physically feel the pain?
- “You’ll have another one!” No I want my baby, can you substitute your one child for your second child!
- “Your not over that yet???”There is no time limit on grief!
- “Your not the only one that has miscarried” Great that helps!
- “There was something wrong with the fetus!” No, there wasn’t! I have tests to prove it! There are no reasons for this happening!
- “It’s natures way, it was meant to be!” No it’s not
- “God has a plan!” Yes he does and sometimes it sucks!
- “Its good you had a miscarriage, you could of been in the hospital for months with the baby or IT could of been DEFORMED!” Really!! Do you know what I would do to hold my baby again, or what I would give to sit in an hospital?
- “It’s better now than later in the pregnancy.” Your just stupid!! So you can decide when I attach to my baby!
- “I know how you feel because when I lost my dog, I cried for days.” Idiot
- “You can’t be sad over what you’ve never had!” I have no words!
If you are talking to a friend after miscarriage just say” I am sorry!”, listen to her! Your friend just wants you to listen!
I would love the opportunity to tell my story and speak about my babies!