Gods will

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I was sitting with a couple of other Moms at Karate class today.  As always the topic comes up about family and kids.  One mom had 4 kids and the other had 5 kids. They joked about what their kids have done to them and taken from them.  Taken their stomach muscles, sanity, sleeping in etc.

The last child of one of the moms was a surprise.  Then she stated “God is in control of our family and gives us the perfect size of family”. This hurt me!  Even though it is true, it is so hard that I have the desire to mother and my babies are in heaven, where they don’t need mothering.

I just felt like I was slapped in the face with that statement. They meant no harm but my insecurities and sensitivities made my broken heart throb a little more.  I don’t know how to reconcile biblical truth with my desires and not feel inferior or sub par.  I guess this is another aspect of baby loss that I have to work on.

What do you have a hard time with?  How do you reconcile it?

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