Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Baby loss; it is a taboo subject, a topic that is whispered about. A topic that people are afraid to admit happens. Are they afraid they are somehow going to catch it?, like you catch a cold. Is it such obscene topic that we have to keep it hidden? Even our language…loss, we didn’t lose anything!!, like we lose our keys or a shoe. Our baby died!
An uncomfortable fact of life is that 1 in 4 pregnancy ends miscarriage. We need to throw the windows wide open on this topic, it is not a vulgar topic!, there is nothing wrong with a person who has a miscarriage! The only people that are uncomfortable speaking about miscarriage are the ones that sweep things under the carpet. We need to speak up, so we don’t feel shame and isolation as we walk through these new and uncertain paths.
There is healing in sharing, there is healing in acceptance, there is healing in grief. You don’t have to feel embarrassed that this has happened, you are not the only one this has happened too. Reality is, you could do nothing, your body is not to blame, you are not to blame,… because you ate cheese or ran around the block or got too stressed. There are lots of us, that have experienced baby loss, we need to share, be brutally honest, so we can learn from each other, grieve together, educate and heal!
When we are brave enough to share with you, we don’t need a solution for the grief, or to be silenced by platitudes:
We just need you:
- To be there.
- Let us talk.
- You can’t catch our grief.
- Our unfortunate event will NOT rub off on you.
- Be sensitive.
- Realize along with the death of our child our dreams have died too.
- Realize talking about our child doesn’t make us sad, we are already sad and probably would LOVE to hear his name.
- Show your friend grace, we feel empty.
- Show your friend love, we feel alone.
Miscarriage is not something shameful, it needs to be talked about, for you , for me, for families, for healing, for learning and for society.
What would you like someone to do for you when you share your story?